Traumatized relationships and recovery

Becoming intimately familiar with our own and our partner’s core vulnerabilities can be such a profound gift.

We sometimes tend to put an extraordinary amount of pressure on ourselves (and each other) to move past our wounds.

That rush to heal can do so much damage.

That pressure can sometimes cause us to secretly tuck our bruises away, even when those bruises are still very much alive and a part of our lived experience.

It can also add a layer to shame to our painful experiences.

Here are some things I have witnessed from working with couples/relationships that can help make space to expand the relational container:

~The willingness to lovingly embrace that each partner may have 2-3 core vulnerabilities that will move through every stage of life with them.

~Cultivating awareness that having vulnerable areas does not (in any way) make someone flawed or broken or incapable of being in a loving relationship.

~Taking responsibility and tending to our vulnerabilities/painful wounds is often both a personal and a relational experience.
We can (often) work and tend to ourselves and be in partnership with other/s simultaneously.

They are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

Sometimes they are, but sometimes they are not.

I believe many of us have a human longing to face ourselves even when it’s incredibly hard.

I also believe relationships can offer us a path to access fuller and unseen parts of ourselves.

With all of that said, healed scars can still have residue.

If you had a parent that left home at a young age, you may still be sensitive to certain cues of abandonment approaching.

If you had a partner/s cheat on you, you may still be sensitive to outside threats.

If you had a parent emotionally or physically abuse you, you may be fearful of raised voices or too much physical closeness during conflicts.

These are not minor experiences.

They can drastically change our perceptions and our brain chemistry.

They deserve the care and respect they weren’t given the first time around.

They deserve to be replaced by caring and secure relationships that help us repair some of the damage that was caused by them.