When to take a pause or a break from communication.

Some of us have had overwhelming parentified roles as children and can’t tolerate too much sadness or complaining from others - that is valid.

Some of us witnessed our parents fighting and never saw them successfully repair - that is valid.

Some of us have people around us that heavily rely on complaining and rarely know how to come up with solutions - that is valid.

Some of us have people around us that struggle with depression or anxiety - and they may need a kind of support that we aren’t meant to provide - that is valid.

All of these experiences are valid.

We each have our own unique tolerance for venting, complaining, and for staying in the muddier waters with our people.

We each have limits that need to be respected.

What can also be helpful is for us to learn to express our capacity so that people can understand us and our sensitivities more deeply.

Expressing our capacity and bringing it to light can also (sometimes) help us to expand it - if we want to - in small and manageable doses.

“I have a really hard time being around you when you are sad or afraid.”

“I have never seen anyone go to the depths of their pain and successfully come out of it.”

“My mother was depressed, and seeing you sad even for a moment, feels unbearable.”

“When I see you unhappy, it touches a part of me I don’t know how to face.”

“I’ve love hearing what you’re going through. I’d also love to spend some time doing something playful together today.”

We can’t (stay) in intense/heavy spaces in the same way we can’t (live) in positivity.

But we need to make space for both if we want to get to know the fullness of our people.

And that can call us to begin to question why we run away from people who are in touch with their pain or who feel comfortable venting.

It can challenge us to discover and own our boundaries in ways that don’t shut down the humanness of those we love.

📷@in_somnia_

How do you manage the space between allowing loved ones to vent/complain/share their pain and honoring your limits?

How can you sense when you might need a break from listening/being there for someone?

How do you communicate your need to take a pause/break?