Extreme Honesty

Extreme honesty might come from those of us who are used to living a more independent or self-sufficient lifestyle.

Maybe we never had to be “accountable” or “responsible” for anyone before, so we go off dumping out heavy and integrated truths.

Maybe we are more avoidantly attached and have learned to defend and use our unfiltered truths as a tool to justify our story that no one will ever “get” or “accept” us.

Or maybe it’s simply because we live in a time where radical truth-telling has become the norm.

Maybe we haven’t yet discovered a way to deliver our truths with doses of softness and sensitivity.

Extreme kindness on the other end can lead to codependent dynamics.

Some of us had to cut off from parts of ourselves in order to take care of others.

If that was the case, it would make sense that we might give up our voice or our truth in order to stay connected to others.

If love was taken away or if we were only seen for “parts” of ourselves, we might then mask or cover up complex and difficult truths.

If we identify with the care-taker role, then we might stay quiet as to not have to take on the emotional burden of “hurting others.”

So how do we find a middle ground?

Is there even such a thing as a balanced or healthy way to offer our truth without hurting those we love?

I don’t think so.

At least not completely.

I think we will hurt people even when we deliver our truths with kindness.

But how we show up after our truth has hurt someone matters a whole lot.

How we make effort to soothe our partner after we’ve just laid down some difficult truth matters a lot.

I think learning to deliver our truths in ways that both express it and simultaneously honors our partner’s sensitivities matters a lot.

And sometimes both of those things can’t happen at the same time.

“I know that was really hard for you to hear. Are you okay?”

“I’m in this with you. What do you need from me right now?”

“That felt really uncomfortable to say because I never want to hurt you.”

“You’re feelings are important to me. How can I be with you in this?”

What words tend to comfort you after someone shares a difficult truth?